The Silver Liningby Clinicians at Ganey Counseling on 10/16/15
The Silver Lining
There is something beautiful and truly awesome about the fact that we get to be a part of creating new life. It is a miracle that we can conceive and give birth to little people that look like us and someday (whether for good or bad) start to act like us. It's something that many of us, men and women, expect to happen some day. Whether or not we are conscious of it, we dream about what our future families will be like.
Sitting across from my friend who is struggling with infertility I realize just how much of her grief is tied to her broken dreams. She and her husband have been dreaming of children for years; they have had names picked out for their future children and I'm sure they have imagined what their family might look like as it grows. They never imagined; however, that the start of their family would include months of disappointing pregnancy tests, numerous doctors' visits, heartache, and awaiting stressful medical results. They have hope that they will some day have children, whether it be their biological children or adopted; but the pain of dealing with the broken dreams has been hard. The same is true for women who struggle with infertility through multiple miscarriages. Some may feel as though they can't grieve or don't know how to grieve because they never got to know their child. In fact, that is all the more reason to be able to grieve. The dreams they had for their children never came to fruition.
It is infertility awareness month and so I want to give voice to the struggle that so many endure and endure rather silently. Given the intimate details and personal decisions that are tied to infertility it becomes a grief that is sometimes very difficult to share. Although many are dealing with infertility, they are often struggling alone while enduring others' birth announcements and questions about babies from kind hearted but unknowing friends. It is difficult to maintain the joy they have for others' good news while quietly enduring their own grief.
Perhaps you can't relate to the struggles that come with infertility but I'm sure you can relate to having broken dreams of your own. This is something we all can experience in our marriages, careers, families, education, talents, friendships, and even our health. I've endured some of my own broken dreams and helplessly I watch as ones I love endure their own. It seems that we are unable to escape the reality of this in our lives.
You're probably beginning to think that this is one depressing blog. This is not my intention. While I want to bring awareness to our broken dreams it doesn't end there. There is a silver lining in the dark, thunderous cloud. There is hope in the midst of our grief. Our hope is this: "And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God and who are called according to His purposes." Romans 8:28
This means that He is with
us in our grief.
We are in accordance with his purposes; therefore, nothing is happening without his awareness. No tear is falling that he doesn't see. No hurt is felt that he doesn't care about. "He is close to the brokenhearted and He binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3
This means He gives us
strength to endure.
If His plans for us are good, then his heart for us is good. He will not abandon us in our suffering; He will not withhold His strength. In the times we feel we can't go on or we can't bear much more, we can be comforted in prayer, through the Bible, and through worship. Infertility is something my friend never thought she would be able to endure, but now that she is facing this struggle she is amazed at the peace, joy, and strength she is finding in her relationship with God.
This means that He has a new
dream for us.
Perhaps you're not ready to hear this yet. If so, then there is still grieving you need to express for the loss or losses you have experienced. But there is hope in knowing that our grief is not the end of the road. God is a Father who redeems and restores. His heart is full of love for you and his plans are always good. Nothing is too hard for the Lord and he is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine. Ask him to redeem that which was lost; open your heart to the new dream he has for you.
*** In light of it being Infertility awareness month I wanted to shed some light on the topic and remind you that the counselors at GCC would be more than happy to support you in your journey. If this topic touches close to your heart be sure to check out our next online blog where I will share a follow up with more of my friend's story (with her permission of course) as well as some things she has learned along her journey.
Submitted by: Sarah Loew, MS